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Laughter thread

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Laughter thread

Post by midangerous on Sun Aug 19, 2012 7:13 pm

First topic message reminder :

I've decided to make a thread just for laughing! I'm writing some jokes out, and you guys can write some too as long a s they stay clean: Laughing

First joke:

Silly Warnings put on products part 1

As an American, I live in one of the most intelligent countries in the world, but people put silly DO NOT warnings on products like we're dummies

for example, I've seen a warning on the back of a bug poison can saying in bold letter: Do Not point this can in face

Is anyone struggling with that here? We have a bunch of people across the country daring on bugs to cross their face and SPRAY!? Shocked If that's happening I'm quite shocked!

Tune in later for part 2 of this odd topic!

Part 2:

I have a hair straightener, and it says 2 strange Do Nots, in the instruction manuel

the first one is this: If you cannot plug in your straightener, reverse the plug,(DUH!) if you still cannot plug it in please call a qualified electrician.

So if I can't plug it in, I have to call some stranger to my house to figure this out?

me: I need you to come to my house.
electrician: What seems to be the problem?
me: I can't plug in my hair straightener!
electrician: CLICK!

here's the second one: Never use while sleeping. Sleep

Yeah, go to bed with your HOT hair straightener cause you're too tired! The next day people will be asking how you got that burn spot on the side of your face. Suspect





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Weather Reporters Joke


Since it's hurricane season, I thought I'd like to share a few jokes about weather reporters, yes, they let us know when weather gets real bad, but they take it to a level where they shouldn't be around the BAD weather area to report about how BAD it is. I turned the TV on once, and there's about 3 CNN weather reporters hanging on to each other trying to let us know how bad the hurricane is. One was hanging on to a rail, the second one was hanging on to the other guy's leg, and the third man was nearly getting blown away and hanging on to the second guy's legs! Shocked and they are saying something like this: "Whoever's riding this storm out is crazy!" I'm thinking: Aren't you the crazy ones now guys? We can see how nasty the weather is without the reporters telling us that!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Google Search Engine

I'd like to share that I'm probably the weirdest person on the planet. Why do I think so? well, I've got questions that I believe more normal people do not have. That's why I believe Google was invented for me. God bless whoever invented Google search engine! You can ask any question to google u have and it will give u the best answer.
Here are some of the ones I got:

How come places like Arizona don't go to Daylight Savings Time? confused confused confused
How come showing your underwear has become such a popular fashion for guys? confused confused confused confused
Why do people who sing country sound like farm animals and dance like their foot's on fire? confused confused confused
How do u know when cranberry sauce has gone bad?
and finally:
Why does my cat go around the room like a balloon with the air going out of it when I give her catnip??? confused confused confused cat

It's Google's 14th birthday by the way, so happy birthday google!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I thought everyone could enjoy this funny guy talk about a silly combination:

Christmas santa vs Halloween

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is probably the silliest product ever invented:

Tooth Tunes
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It's a toothbrush the plays tunes while brushing. I think I'd be insane if I wanted my toothbrush to sing to me.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

rendeer Two Events I believe are Too Close Together

Living in backwoods, every year, we have an event called dear hunting season, and then right after we have hunting, we have the Christmas season. I'm the type that doesn't really like hunting, so it ruins a lot of Christmas songs for me. For instance, this is what I'd be singing:

We've hunted Dasher, Dancer and Prancer, Cupid, Comet and Vixen, but do you recall? The easiest target of all?

Rudolph poem for hunters:

Rudolph with your nose so bright,
That thing is like laser sight!
Won't you guide my aim tonight?

If you want to hunt reindeer this season(I don't recommend doing it though!)I think you would probably have to get up on the roof of your house, and hide behind a fake chimney. Also, make some reindeer calls too.

I now know why Santa wears red he doesn't want to get shot by these people! santa


(Note: If you want Santa to give you presents, behave yourself and do not hunt his reindeer!)

(Note2: No reindeer were harmed in the making of this joke.)

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Last edited by midangerous on Sun Nov 25, 2012 4:07 pm; edited 9 times in total
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Re: Laughter thread

Post by ijustcan'tstoplovinguMJ on Thu Apr 18, 2013 4:59 pm

lol midangerous ur a hoot!!!!!!
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Re: Laughter thread

Post by midangerous on Sat Apr 20, 2013 3:32 pm

Aging Rockers Lyrics

(If you're getting older, this song is for you)

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When the day's begun
Some other time's O.K.
If you've got a bald spot
Wanna keept what you got
No gain

Your hair line, it's fine, it shines



Aging Rockers Pt. 2 Lyrics

Don't come in my yard no more
You've ruined my lawn before
Whatever you kids are lookin' for
HEY! Don't come in my yard no more

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Aging Rockers Pt. 3 Lyrics

Girl, to dance with you is my favorite thing
Yeah, but when I hit the floor, I feel the pain
Uh-huh. Oh! Oh! I need to put on my back-saving shoes
To boogie with you, yeah

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I'm gonna put on my back-saving shoes
To boogie with you

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Re: Laughter thread

Post by Admin on Mon Apr 22, 2013 6:34 pm

Just heard on FNC: The airport in Arkansas is being renamed in honor of former Pres and Secretary of State Bill and Hillary Clinton. The name some came up with was a combo of both names: 'Hillbilly Airport'! lol

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Re: Laughter thread

Post by ijustcan'tstoplovinguMJ on Mon Apr 22, 2013 6:47 pm

roflmao!!! admin!!!
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Re: Laughter thread

Post by midangerous on Sat Apr 27, 2013 4:05 pm

Hillbilly huh? Are we in the backwoods??? LOL!
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Re: Laughter thread

Post by midangerous on Sat Apr 27, 2013 4:05 pm

Hey look! An airplane Pa!!!
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Re: Laughter thread

Post by midangerous on Sat Apr 27, 2013 4:22 pm

To be a flight attendant or not to be one? I think NOT!

I few years back when I was in high school, I had some thoughts about becoming a flight attendant, but than I realized I'm not too good with people especially real crankie ones that are tired and short-tempered. I would have to politely teach these crankie people how to fasten their seat belt which is required by FAA law. I think I would have issues with that because there are certain seat belts I can't figure out how to buckle. I was on a rollar coaster at Six Flags once and I couldn't figure out how to buckle and unbuckle the darn thing! By the time the ride was over, and it was time to get off, I was still on the ride because once I figured out how to buckle the seat belt, I couldn't get it unbuckled! Embarassed Can you imagine me teaching passengers how to buckle? I think I'd pretty much loose it at that point! I really don't think safety belts are all that effective if the plane is falling out of the sky from 35,000 ft and you know we aren't going to miss the ground!

The second thing that I would be required to teach is how to put that yellow mask on and breath "normally". Let's think common sense here, if the plane is falling out of the sky, the chances of anyone breathing "normally" are very slim. The mask won't be falling straight down if the plane is at a certain angle, and you can't reach it why? Because you got your seat belt on! Have a nice flight people!


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Re: Laughter thread

Post by ijustcan'tstoplovinguMJ on Sat Apr 27, 2013 4:29 pm

lol so true!!!!
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Re: Laughter thread

Post by WeAreTheWorld. on Sat Apr 27, 2013 4:35 pm

Midangerous you are TOO funny lol! I never thought of that. You wouldn't be able to reach that mask if the plane was getting ready to crash land lol. I was flying to ATL one time and I pretended to have my seatbelt fastened because I couldn't get it buckled and the flight attendants never noticed.

I have a funny (not at the time) story about seatbelts on rides too. Every year a huge fair would come to my town with tons of rides and my dad took me every year up until I was about 9 or 10. Well one year he took me and my favorite ride at the time was this huge swing ride that spun around and you could see the entire fair. It looks like this:

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anyhoo, my dad had just gotten sick on the tilt a whirl so I was riding this thing by myself for about the 1000th time that day. I got in my seat and I could not for the life of me get my seatbelt on. Being about 8 years old at the time I didn't think it was that big of a deal, so I didn't tell anyone about it. My dad saw as the ride was about to start that I wasn't buckled in and I tell you I have never seen anyone run and push people outta the way so fast lol. We were going up and I had secured my seatbelt at the last possible second (unbeknownst to him) and he keeps screaming at me not to let go of the rails and to not move and all that. Once we're up in the air I see him bang on the control tower door where the operating man is in there and he wouldn't open the door and he kept screaming at him- all the while I'm having fun in my swingy ride lol. When I finally got back on the ground I was all cool but my dad was freaking and yelling at everyone and we left. He said if I ever wanted to ride that again my mom would have to take me lmao.
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Re: Laughter thread

Post by midangerous on Sat Apr 27, 2013 5:42 pm

LOL! That's funny WATW! I've been on those swings too, it's not that hard to get yourself strapped in anymore.
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Re: Laughter thread

Post by midangerous on Sun May 05, 2013 7:34 pm

Anyone graduating from school next month? Well, even if you're not, here's a sneak preview of what you might be dealing with:

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Re: Laughter thread

Post by midangerous on Sun May 12, 2013 1:49 am

A funny video for Mother's Day, Mama Had Enough!

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Re: Laughter thread

Post by midangerous on Tue May 14, 2013 8:22 pm

Homeschooler's guide to collage:

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Re: Laughter thread

Post by midangerous on Sat May 25, 2013 7:26 pm

Summer fun anyone? Waterslides:

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Re: Laughter thread

Post by WeAreTheWorld. on Sat May 25, 2013 11:09 pm

How funny and accurate midangerous lol. This guy is a HOOT!
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Re: Laughter thread

Post by midangerous on Sun May 26, 2013 12:53 am

LOL yeah!
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Re: Laughter thread

Post by midangerous on Sun May 26, 2013 12:54 am

It's YT Comedy week BTW.
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Re: Laughter thread

Post by midangerous on Sun Jun 02, 2013 9:42 pm

Crocodile Grandma

A few years back, grandma told us once that while she was living in her Florida home, there was a crocodile that got in her back yard, what do you think she did? Did she call the exterminator? Nope, she took matters into her own hands. She grabbed a hose, she said, and started blowing hot air at the croc through the hose! That seemed to take care of things, so that's why she had earned the name Crocodile Grandma! Oh wait, did I also mention that there was grandpa too? Did he do anything? Well, not that I know of, while grandma was taking care of business, grandpa probably after seeing the croc ran and hid! Lol! Somewhere in heaven right about now my Abuela, is wrestling crocs with Steve Irwin.
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Re: Laughter thread

Post by Admin on Fri Jun 07, 2013 5:00 pm

OK I have to say this: I HATE that new Kraft "Zesty" (salad dressing) commercial with that girlyboy that says "oops" when the stripper shirt gets yanked off him - WTH!? Suspect

WHAT DUDE SAYS "OOPS"? No

And who wants that hairy gross chest around food? yuck!!! pale

I couldn't stand the 1st one either when he says "oh" like a GIRL when his stupid shirt gets 'burned off'! (OK sure that's reality-'oh') I swear I will never buy that dressing ever again now. I feel nauseated - it was just on TV AGAIN!! ugh!

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Re: Laughter thread

Post by ijustcan'tstoplovinguMJ on Fri Jun 07, 2013 6:26 pm

i've never seen it? lmao admin that soooooo funny!
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Re: Laughter thread

Post by WeAreTheWorld. on Fri Jun 07, 2013 6:41 pm

Admin i hate that commercial so much lol. To be honest i hate most commercials. Im used to sleeping with my tv on- i need the noise. Anyway every time i ever used to wake up it 9 outta 10 times be a skeeery commercial. To fix this problem- every night when i get ready to go to sleep i put my tv on QVC. Why you ask? They dont have ANY commercials lol.
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Re: Laughter thread

Post by Admin on Fri Jun 07, 2013 6:47 pm

@WATW: Play an MJ video while falling asleep and then you will be sleeping with NO TV on Smile

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Re: Laughter thread

Post by midangerous on Sat Jun 08, 2013 3:28 pm

@Admin, good advice! I never seen that commercial, and I hope I never do!
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Re: Laughter thread

Post by ijustcan'tstoplovinguMJ on Mon Jun 10, 2013 7:10 pm

ok i have seen that commercial while i was eating lunch! cheesest thing i've ever seen it was really bad when they got a close up on the guys arse, i thought it was a pants commercial at that scene!
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Re: Laughter thread

Post by WeAreTheWorld. on Tue Jun 11, 2013 1:03 am

I know admin remembers this one because we were screaming laughing for the longest time about this and I remember putting this on another site a couple years ago and forgot about it until now. I don't know if you guys watch SNL but there is this one skit that Jimmy Fallon (LOVE him) and Justin Timberlake do called the 'Barry Gibb Talk Show' where they dress up as Barry and Robin (RIP ) Gibb and discuss politics and other shenanigans- it is just the greatest lol.

This is my favorite scene. It's from the very last episode they did in 2011. I can still recite it by heart lol:

"Psychopathic blood runs through my veins! I cannot be trusted when there’s a full moon! I have to be handcuffed to a radiator! I once woke up with my ch-ch-ch-chest hair caked in blood next to a journal filled with entries that make no sense to the rational mind!

(Breaks Into Song)

Caked in blood
journals make no sense.
Caked in blood
journals make no, journals make no,
journals make no - SENSE!

(End singing)

I'm Barry effin Gibb!"

Here are all 5 episodes of BGTS:

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Re: Laughter thread

Post by WeAreTheWorld. on Wed Jun 12, 2013 10:25 pm

Here's a good one. About an hour ago my dog was barking at our window like crazy. I went out to see what he was barking at and there were 3 cop cars in the parking lot out in front of our apartment. I look and see some guy that they were talking to and it seemed he had no shirt on. Well, just a couple minutes ago my mom said that one of my cousins, who is a 911 dispatcher, said that apparently there was some naked guy walking around our parking lot all day! I usually take the dog out for a walk a few times a day and go out to check the mail but I didn't do that today- thank God lol! Funny part is, I have a pretty good idea of who it was and I hope they hauled him off for good. No one gets the stuff that goes on in my town. Y'know the people from "Moonshiners"? They live here AND one of them got arrested at the gas station right up the street from me. Laughing
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Re: Laughter thread

Post by midangerous on Thu Jun 13, 2013 2:07 am

Shocked gees!
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Re: Laughter thread

Post by WeAreTheWorld. on Thu Jun 13, 2013 2:14 am

Yeah i know i was kinda freaked when i heard it at first but i had to laugh. Never a dull moment in this town.
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Re: Laughter thread

Post by ijustcan'tstoplovinguMJ on Thu Jun 13, 2013 4:45 pm

lol
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Re: Laughter thread

Post by midangerous on Thu Jun 13, 2013 6:08 pm

Lol!
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Re: Laughter thread

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