Laughter thread

[midangerous]

First topic message reminder :

I've decided to make a thread just for laughing! I'm writing some jokes out, and you guys can write some too as long a s they stay clean:

First joke:

Silly Warnings put on products part 1

As an American, I live in one of the most intelligent countries in the world, but people put silly DO NOT warnings on products like we're dummies

for example, I've seen a warning on the back of a bug poison can saying in bold letter: Do Not point this can in face

Is anyone struggling with that here? We have a bunch of people across the country daring on bugs to cross their face and SPRAY!? If that's happening I'm quite shocked!

Tune in later for part 2 of this odd topic!

Part 2:

I have a hair straightener, and it says 2 strange Do Nots, in the instruction manuel

the first one is this: If you cannot plug in your straightener, reverse the plug,(DUH!) if you still cannot plug it in please call a qualified electrician.

So if I can't plug it in, I have to call some stranger to my house to figure this out?

me: I need you to come to my house.
electrician: What seems to be the problem?
me: I can't plug in my hair straightener!
electrician: CLICK!

here's the second one: Never use while sleeping.

Yeah, go to bed with your HOT hair straightener cause you're too tired! The next day people will be asking how you got that burn spot on the side of your face.





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Weather Reporters Joke


Since it's hurricane season, I thought I'd like to share a few jokes about weather reporters, yes, they let us know when weather gets real bad, but they take it to a level where they shouldn't be around the BAD weather area to report about how BAD it is. I turned the TV on once, and there's about 3 CNN weather reporters hanging on to each other trying to let us know how bad the hurricane is. One was hanging on to a rail, the second one was hanging on to the other guy's leg, and the third man was nearly getting blown away and hanging on to the second guy's legs! and they are saying something like this: "Whoever's riding this storm out is crazy!" I'm thinking: Aren't you the crazy ones now guys? We can see how nasty the weather is without the reporters telling us that!


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Google Search Engine

I'd like to share that I'm probably the weirdest person on the planet. Why do I think so? well, I've got questions that I believe more normal people do not have. That's why I believe Google was invented for me. God bless whoever invented Google search engine! You can ask any question to google u have and it will give u the best answer.
Here are some of the ones I got:

How come places like Arizona don't go to Daylight Savings Time?
How come showing your underwear has become such a popular fashion for guys?
Why do people who sing country sound like farm animals and dance like their foot's on fire?
How do u know when cranberry sauce has gone bad?
and finally:
Why does my cat go around the room like a balloon with the air going out of it when I give her catnip???

It's Google's 14th birthday by the way, so happy birthday google!


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I thought everyone could enjoy this funny guy talk about a silly combination:

Christmas vs Halloween

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This is probably the silliest product ever invented:

Tooth Tunes
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It's a toothbrush the plays tunes while brushing. I think I'd be insane if I wanted my toothbrush to sing to me.



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Two Events I believe are Too Close Together

Living in backwoods, every year, we have an event called dear hunting season, and then right after we have hunting, we have the Christmas season. I'm the type that doesn't really like hunting, so it ruins a lot of Christmas songs for me. For instance, this is what I'd be singing:

We've hunted Dasher, Dancer and Prancer, Cupid, Comet and Vixen, but do you recall? The easiest target of all?

Rudolph poem for hunters:

Rudolph with your nose so bright,
That thing is like laser sight!
Won't you guide my aim tonight?

If you want to hunt reindeer this season(I don't recommend doing it though!)I think you would probably have to get up on the roof of your house, and hide behind a fake chimney. Also, make some reindeer calls too.

I now know why Santa wears red he doesn't want to get shot by these people!


(Note: If you want Santa to give you presents, behave yourself and do not hunt his reindeer!)

(Note2: No reindeer were harmed in the making of this joke.)

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[midangerous]

People are going overboard with Duck Dynasty!!!

I don't know why people are making such a big deal about Duck Dynasty because it's just about a bunch of ugly men running around making duck calls! Look at these products, this is so ridiculous!



Duck Dynasty pillows:

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Duck Dynasty fleece throws:

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Duck Dynasty watches:

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Duck Dynasty Beach towels:

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The only thing left to say is "Quack Quack!" said the Quackos!

[midangerous]

12 Days of Obamacare:

[ijustcan'tstoplovinguMJ]

Hey midangerous you forgot the duck dynasty socks LMAO JK

[midangerous]

Oh yes thanks for reminding me:

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[ijustcan'tstoplovinguMJ]

Omg that's too much *dies of laughter* I saw those a few weeks ago!! They also have magnets!!!

[Admin]

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This twitter pix-is from Mandela's memorial-seems Obama was chatting with the blonde lady sitting next to him and his wife was not happy about it! She made him switch seats-wth?! lol this was the pix caption:

"I'm crying lmao, Michelle Obama made him switch seats!"

She looks miffed too-this is just too funny!

[midangerous]

LOL!!!

[midangerous]

@IJCSLUMJ Duck Dynasty Christmas magnets:

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and band aides:

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[ijustcan'tstoplovinguMJ]

Omg ive never seen the band aids lmao
Admin lol

[midangerous]

Merry Christmas Everyone!

[ijustcan'tstoplovinguMJ]

LMAO!!!!!

[WeAreTheWorld.]

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GO NINERS! #QuestForSix lol.

[Capricious Anomaly]

Ouch LOL!! So happy the 49ers won!! Now off to defeat the Carolina kittykatters

[ijustcan'tstoplovinguMJ]

LOL!! Where did you find that WATW?

[midangerous]

LOL! Funny!

[midangerous]

This is so funny, an auctioneer being a cashier:

[midangerous]

This is probably on everyone's list of stupidity:

How to Clean a Toilet With Coke

s your toilet full of limescale and other stains and you don't have a chemical toilet cleaner on hand? Or are you looking for less expensive and/or non-toxic cleaning solutions? Don't worry, just reach for the fridge, and grab a Coke!

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1
Pour Coke into the bowl. Pour it around the rim so it flows over the stains around the inside of the bowl.

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2
Let it sit for at least an hour. The acids in the Coke will break down the stains. For extra cleaning power, let the Coke sit in the toilet overnight.

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3
Optionally, clean the toilet with a brush. If there are lots of stubborn stains, you may need to use a brush to further loosen them before going to the next step.

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4
Flush. At least some of the limescale buildup should be dissolved by the phosphoric acid in the Coke.

5
Try conventional natural toilet cleaners if problem persists. While Coke can remove some sludge and buildup caught in your toilet bowl, it's not the most effective cleaning agent. The sugar in the Coke can also leave the toilet bowl sticky and be a vector for other bacteria. Here are some other natural cleaning solutions that you can try.

Try mixing 1/2 cup vinegar and 1/4 cup baking soda (or 2 teaspoons borax) into 1/2 gallon (2 liters) jug of water. Store and apply to toilet bowl, scrubbing and waiting an hour before flushing.

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6
Finished.

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Personal note: Do not attempt this at home!

[WeAreTheWorld.]

LOL! Actually, coke is a really effective way to clean all the sludge and even rust!

[ijustcan'tstoplovinguMJ]

LOL! I'll just stick with my cleaner. Besides that wastes a good coke! Lol

[midangerous]

Kung Foo:

[WeAreTheWorld.]

I just had a little random moment of stupidity.

I just got back from scraping the almost 2 inches of ice off my car so that I don't have to do it tomorrow morning when I have to go out about 6:30. So I'm going at it with the ice scraper and defroster on and all that for almost a good 1/2 hour before it was finally all off. I then consciously take my keys out of the ignition, lock the vehicle, and freak out when the back door won't open so that I can put the ice scraper in the back seat, DUH! Do we see the problem here? lol.

So anyway I go running upstairs to get my mom's boyfriend to help me open the door (I thought they were frozen shut from the sudden lack of internal heat), we both are trying to like pull it open and like body slam the doors to try and let some of the "ice" loose and of course to no avail (and as sensitive as the alarm is on that thing I have no clue why it didn't go off). Eventually I go wait a minute and unlock the car and sure enough, doors opened! I swear I am a total idiot at times lol.

[ijustcan'tstoplovinguMJ]

LOL WATW! we all have those moments

[midangerous]

Relative humidity, I don't really get at all, it says: 76 degrees but it's gonna feel like 90. Well then it's 90! No different then saying I'm gonna hug u but it's gonna feel like I'm slapping u in the face! Back to you Jim.

[ijustcan'tstoplovinguMJ]

LMAO!!! I understand that completely!  It it's going to feel like its 100 then it is100!

[midangerous]

Lol!

[WeAreTheWorld.]

Midangerous you really crack me up sometimes lol. I know how you feel. A couple of days ago it was around 95 (pretty hot for my area too- usually it's 75-80 no more than 85 this time of year- and it's super humid it's not that dry heat like in the SW US, but that's a story for another time lol) but that "feels like" crap said 108! And of course that was the day that I began dragging tons of my stuff down stairs and into my car to begin to move it (currently in the middle of the move and should be all moved in by Friday-yay!). So yeah it can get pretty annoying lol.

It's so nice to see you posting around the site lately midangerous. I know work has got to be super busy and taking up a lot of your time but it's nice to hear from you every once in awhile

[ijustcan'tstoplovinguMJ]

UGH I feel yah WATW with that humidity,  it gets really humid here, my hair HATES it! I swear I have an afro!

good luck with that move, moving is always such a pain but worth it when you get settled

[midangerous]

@WATW, I hope u are moving in ok, yes between work and my leased horse has kept me on my toes, but I've been trying to find time to post on this site and keep it going, @IJCSLUMJ, I know the humidity is awful for hair ain't it? Lol!

[ijustcan'tstoplovinguMJ]

Yes it is! Nothing controls it! Its crazy!

[midangerous]

In memory of Robin Williams:

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