Laughter thread

[midangerous]

First topic message reminder :

I've decided to make a thread just for laughing! I'm writing some jokes out, and you guys can write some too as long a s they stay clean:

First joke:

Silly Warnings put on products part 1

As an American, I live in one of the most intelligent countries in the world, but people put silly DO NOT warnings on products like we're dummies

for example, I've seen a warning on the back of a bug poison can saying in bold letter: Do Not point this can in face

Is anyone struggling with that here? We have a bunch of people across the country daring on bugs to cross their face and SPRAY!? If that's happening I'm quite shocked!

Tune in later for part 2 of this odd topic!

Part 2:

I have a hair straightener, and it says 2 strange Do Nots, in the instruction manuel

the first one is this: If you cannot plug in your straightener, reverse the plug,(DUH!) if you still cannot plug it in please call a qualified electrician.

So if I can't plug it in, I have to call some stranger to my house to figure this out?

me: I need you to come to my house.
electrician: What seems to be the problem?
me: I can't plug in my hair straightener!
electrician: CLICK!

here's the second one: Never use while sleeping.

Yeah, go to bed with your HOT hair straightener cause you're too tired! The next day people will be asking how you got that burn spot on the side of your face.





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Weather Reporters Joke


Since it's hurricane season, I thought I'd like to share a few jokes about weather reporters, yes, they let us know when weather gets real bad, but they take it to a level where they shouldn't be around the BAD weather area to report about how BAD it is. I turned the TV on once, and there's about 3 CNN weather reporters hanging on to each other trying to let us know how bad the hurricane is. One was hanging on to a rail, the second one was hanging on to the other guy's leg, and the third man was nearly getting blown away and hanging on to the second guy's legs! and they are saying something like this: "Whoever's riding this storm out is crazy!" I'm thinking: Aren't you the crazy ones now guys? We can see how nasty the weather is without the reporters telling us that!


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Google Search Engine

I'd like to share that I'm probably the weirdest person on the planet. Why do I think so? well, I've got questions that I believe more normal people do not have. That's why I believe Google was invented for me. God bless whoever invented Google search engine! You can ask any question to google u have and it will give u the best answer.
Here are some of the ones I got:

How come places like Arizona don't go to Daylight Savings Time?
How come showing your underwear has become such a popular fashion for guys?
Why do people who sing country sound like farm animals and dance like their foot's on fire?
How do u know when cranberry sauce has gone bad?
and finally:
Why does my cat go around the room like a balloon with the air going out of it when I give her catnip???

It's Google's 14th birthday by the way, so happy birthday google!


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I thought everyone could enjoy this funny guy talk about a silly combination:

Christmas vs Halloween

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This is probably the silliest product ever invented:

Tooth Tunes
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It's a toothbrush the plays tunes while brushing. I think I'd be insane if I wanted my toothbrush to sing to me.



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Two Events I believe are Too Close Together

Living in backwoods, every year, we have an event called dear hunting season, and then right after we have hunting, we have the Christmas season. I'm the type that doesn't really like hunting, so it ruins a lot of Christmas songs for me. For instance, this is what I'd be singing:

We've hunted Dasher, Dancer and Prancer, Cupid, Comet and Vixen, but do you recall? The easiest target of all?

Rudolph poem for hunters:

Rudolph with your nose so bright,
That thing is like laser sight!
Won't you guide my aim tonight?

If you want to hunt reindeer this season(I don't recommend doing it though!)I think you would probably have to get up on the roof of your house, and hide behind a fake chimney. Also, make some reindeer calls too.

I now know why Santa wears red he doesn't want to get shot by these people!


(Note: If you want Santa to give you presents, behave yourself and do not hunt his reindeer!)

(Note2: No reindeer were harmed in the making of this joke.)

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[Admin]

Tonight Bravo Andy (Andy Cohen on 'Watch What Happens Live' @ 11pm PDT) 5 nights/week had my swear to God FAVORITE Jimmy Fallon (and his new cast for 'Guys with Kids' show JF is producing) and Andy asked JF what was his fav skit he ever did (had to be on SNL of course) and JF said 'COWBELL' I was ROTFL in 1 second!

That is the one skit I always say is 1 of the funniest ever from SNL and I have been an SNL fan since S1. When Christopher Walken says "I think we need MORE COWBELL!!" and the idiots playing the music (of course Will Farrell is in this skit) all play harder and the cowbell is getting clanged faster it is a classic screamfest! I will post the YT for this soon-I have to - can't tell this story and not show this bunch of nuts in action!

I have another tidbit from Andy's show tonight: Andy always has at the end of each show - his 'mazel of the day' and his 'jackhole of the day' OK and...

One of these tonight was this: News from Japanese technology-They have created (and these are for sale supposedly) people tails --yes, like a dogs tail -- that - ready - wags when the person wearing it is happy! Right hand straight up to the sky - I swear no lie! If I can find footage-I will post it too-wow huh wagging people tails


btw: Remember Jimmy Fallon in "The Barry Gibb Talk Show" on SNL? If you have never seen those skits - YOU have NOT LIVED! Fallon (plays Barry Gibb) and Justin Timberlake (plays Robin Gibb {RIP Robin} flawlessly)! Later on sometime we should definitely post those here-these are truly funny (No wait) THEY ARE HILARIOUS!!

[WeAreTheWorld.]

"Journals make no- SENSE!" (From BGTS)

[Admin]

The "If you return the items you stole from our fancy hotel - we will forgive you [amnesty program]"

OK on Kelly and Michael this morning, during the duo's chattertime, they read that the Waldorf Astoria in NYC is commencing with an Amnesty Program for the "take aways" that were not supposed to be "taken away" lol

OK so suddenly there is an influx of little teeny shampoo and conditioner bottles from people globally to asuage their guilt for taking the slippers and robes!!

Yes I can see it now-the loading dock behind the hotel inundated with tiny USPS, UPS, and bubble envelopes choking up the dock-no larger packages should be expected right?

Are you kidding me They expect people to send this stuff back? It isn't like the guns program where they are getting firearms off the streets with that amnesty program!

Good luck with that WA

[midangerous]

Funny Funny! lol!

[midangerous]

I just saw the presidential debate today, Romney says he likes Big Bird lol! I guess he has Big Bird's vote! LOL!

[Capricious Anomaly]

lol

[Capricious Anomaly]

OK-so I was clearing the 'junk' mail out of my email this morning and I always have to scan through the subject lines as I do the pages (yes I said pages -I clear over 60 daily) and I came across this little gem:

"Newly discovered! Coffee that burns FAT! Get your free sample!"

The only way coffee burns fat is if you drink WAY too much and can't keep still! What a crock!

[midangerous]

LOL! You should see the stupid junk I get in my inbox Capricious. LOL!

[Capricious Anomaly]

Funny kitty!

[Admin]

Joe Biden (need I say more)

[WeAreTheWorld.]

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Oh the many faces and expressions of Joe Biden tonight

[Admin]

@WATW: LMAO!!

The many expressive faces of the Biden :

confuzzled (WATW's term)

shock

toothy grin

dazed

annoyed

[WeAreTheWorld.]

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[Admin]

I LOVE LOVE LOVE that avatar WATW!!! I remember when you had that before and always loved that!!

[Admin]

Ryan's flag pin is bigger than the Biden's lol

[WeAreTheWorld.]

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[Admin]

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Ryan to Biden: I have gas-x in my bag backstage-need some? lol

Keep in mind everyone-I am just kidding around-no offense to anyone meant-only in fun!

[Admin]

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pull my finger

[WeAreTheWorld.]

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No, Joe, singing is not gonna help this situation...

[Admin]

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who does your hair-it looks marvelous!!

I cannot seem to get this widow's peak under control!!

[Admin]

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what did Joe just say?

[Admin]

Ladies!! Have you heard about the newly discovered planet that is covered in - wait for it - wait for it --- DIAMONDS!!! Swear!! It was on the news and it is TRUE!! there is a itty bitty problem though-there is just no way to get there YET! Maybe they will get it together and put them online and we can wait for the bogo sale and then we can all chuck out the crystals and get busy embellishing our MJ wear with the REAL thang baby!! WHAT?!!

[midangerous]

Those pictures of Joe Biden are soo funny Admin lol! I never heard of the discovered planet yet lol!

[midangerous]

Ok, this REALLY cracks me up, Chia Romney and Obama. Chu Chu Chu Chia!!

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[Admin]

I saw these tv ads-silly huh? Did they ever make an MJ? I can't remember - I would NEVER have bought one they are so goofy- some are cute - like the little animals etc..
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Since this is one of our more frivolous threads and not a MJ thread - which I wouldn't take off topic this way-I am varying OT on this OT thread for a minute-
I know this is the laughter thread but in less than 3 weeks we in the US are facing another Presidential election so---

On a serious note :
At least someone has a job making those chia pets-more than most can say about this economy which has KILLED jobs and sent most manufacturing jobs (LIKE making Chia pets) oversees! This current administration in the last 4 years has managed to increase welfare by over 30% to costing (for this last year) the tax payers 1 TRILLION DOLLARS! (You are not able to get welfare btw if you are on unemployment benefits)

The students that graduated (last grad class year 2011) are at 53% UNEMPLOYED!! That is OVER 1/2 of ALL US college grads with no jobs or prospects for a job!

Unemployment NEW claims is nearly 400,000!! TODAY!! NEW!! That is not who is already on-or a total of who is on unemployment-there are MILLIONS of US citizens on unemployment! The BS coming from this administration NEVER counts the MILLIONS UPON MILLIONS that fell off unemployment and STILL has no job-the truth is that the unemployed US citizen numbers are nearing 15% of all workers that had a job and LOST it-that can NOT still find work - 15%!!!. Not approximately 1/2 that number that was BS'd about in the last Pres debate!

Gasoline costs TWICE as much as it did a few years ago (3-4) Groceries are costing CRAZY high amounts of money. I have seen in the last year a DOUBLING of staple goods prices! The middle class isn't disappearing - it is GOING GOING GONE!!

Food for thought people-food for thought! All those that are still thinking "hope and change" - are you ever going to ask the question -change to what? We don't need to ask now-we are all finding out and KNOW what change was meant dont' we?

[midangerous]

Yes, I hear you Admin! I'm one of those people that are unemployed.

[Admin]

@midangerous: Sorry to hear that. I probably should have made those comments in the chat about anything thread-will keep this this thread about giggles and chuckles from now on

over to the other threads now - lol

[midangerous]

Must See! Funny people getting scared:

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[Admin]

Time today for a funny---

Today on Shepard Smith's "Studio B" show at noon - he closed his show today after the gloomy news with this:

There's a family man in the Ukraine with a need to grab a little cash from his 'secret stash spot' he had in the family room couch. So he reaches in the space he had $4000.00 dollars saved to find it was ALL GONE!! Of course he panics and assumes the family had been robbed! Then after further investigation he finds out that his little 9 year old son (uh oh) comes clean and confessed that he found the cash-took all $4000 of it and spent it ALL on CANDY!! LMAO - He claims he didn't keep it all for himself though-his pals were busy making plenty cavities of their own since he shared $4000 dollars worth of candy with them too!!! LOL

(the kids after eating all that candy)

[midangerous]

OMGosh!!

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