Laughter thread

[midangerous]

First topic message reminder :

I've decided to make a thread just for laughing! I'm writing some jokes out, and you guys can write some too as long a s they stay clean:

First joke:

Silly Warnings put on products part 1

As an American, I live in one of the most intelligent countries in the world, but people put silly DO NOT warnings on products like we're dummies

for example, I've seen a warning on the back of a bug poison can saying in bold letter: Do Not point this can in face

Is anyone struggling with that here? We have a bunch of people across the country daring on bugs to cross their face and SPRAY!? If that's happening I'm quite shocked!

Tune in later for part 2 of this odd topic!

Part 2:

I have a hair straightener, and it says 2 strange Do Nots, in the instruction manuel

the first one is this: If you cannot plug in your straightener, reverse the plug,(DUH!) if you still cannot plug it in please call a qualified electrician.

So if I can't plug it in, I have to call some stranger to my house to figure this out?

me: I need you to come to my house.
electrician: What seems to be the problem?
me: I can't plug in my hair straightener!
electrician: CLICK!

here's the second one: Never use while sleeping.

Yeah, go to bed with your HOT hair straightener cause you're too tired! The next day people will be asking how you got that burn spot on the side of your face.





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Weather Reporters Joke


Since it's hurricane season, I thought I'd like to share a few jokes about weather reporters, yes, they let us know when weather gets real bad, but they take it to a level where they shouldn't be around the BAD weather area to report about how BAD it is. I turned the TV on once, and there's about 3 CNN weather reporters hanging on to each other trying to let us know how bad the hurricane is. One was hanging on to a rail, the second one was hanging on to the other guy's leg, and the third man was nearly getting blown away and hanging on to the second guy's legs! and they are saying something like this: "Whoever's riding this storm out is crazy!" I'm thinking: Aren't you the crazy ones now guys? We can see how nasty the weather is without the reporters telling us that!


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Google Search Engine

I'd like to share that I'm probably the weirdest person on the planet. Why do I think so? well, I've got questions that I believe more normal people do not have. That's why I believe Google was invented for me. God bless whoever invented Google search engine! You can ask any question to google u have and it will give u the best answer.
Here are some of the ones I got:

How come places like Arizona don't go to Daylight Savings Time?
How come showing your underwear has become such a popular fashion for guys?
Why do people who sing country sound like farm animals and dance like their foot's on fire?
How do u know when cranberry sauce has gone bad?
and finally:
Why does my cat go around the room like a balloon with the air going out of it when I give her catnip???

It's Google's 14th birthday by the way, so happy birthday google!


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I thought everyone could enjoy this funny guy talk about a silly combination:

Christmas vs Halloween

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This is probably the silliest product ever invented:

Tooth Tunes
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It's a toothbrush the plays tunes while brushing. I think I'd be insane if I wanted my toothbrush to sing to me.



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Two Events I believe are Too Close Together

Living in backwoods, every year, we have an event called dear hunting season, and then right after we have hunting, we have the Christmas season. I'm the type that doesn't really like hunting, so it ruins a lot of Christmas songs for me. For instance, this is what I'd be singing:

We've hunted Dasher, Dancer and Prancer, Cupid, Comet and Vixen, but do you recall? The easiest target of all?

Rudolph poem for hunters:

Rudolph with your nose so bright,
That thing is like laser sight!
Won't you guide my aim tonight?

If you want to hunt reindeer this season(I don't recommend doing it though!)I think you would probably have to get up on the roof of your house, and hide behind a fake chimney. Also, make some reindeer calls too.

I now know why Santa wears red he doesn't want to get shot by these people!


(Note: If you want Santa to give you presents, behave yourself and do not hunt his reindeer!)

(Note2: No reindeer were harmed in the making of this joke.)

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[Capricious Anomaly]

Not to be mean but I think this is pretty funny-seems Justin Beiber got the shade thrown on him (again) by Selena (sp) as she supposedly threw out a phone that he was harrassing her on and got a new number-(his own fault since he was cavorting with Victoria's Secret models and all the other nonsense he is doing all the time!)

[midangerous]

Kitty Chillin' with Pepsi can:

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[Admin]

@midangerous:

"Rudolph with your nose so bright,
That thing is like laser sight!
Won't you guide my aim tonight?"

Wow that is freaking hilarious! You come up with that one yourself? You might have a future in comedy with knee slappers like these! lol

Oh- the kitty-is that an MJ Pepsi can? I couldn't tell by the pix-if so that is 1 smooth cat man!! Either way it is an adorable pix-is that your kitakat?

[midangerous]

@Admin, no the Rudolph poem is something I had heard a few years ago, I didn't come up with it myself. The pepsi can I don't think it's an MJ can. That's not my cat. Lol! My cat won't pose like that.

[Admin]

A cake in Japan made with 'dog friendly' flour-no chocolate or alcohol-so patrons at the bakery sit there with their $70 slice of this cake and feed themselves and their poochy from the same plate and fork lol - OK I adore dogs but really? I wouldn't use the same fork-it might make the doggy sick eating from the same one as a human lol!!

Gotta love the Japanese!!

[Admin]

@midangerous: You could have totally took credit for that lol -I doubt anyone ever heard that before - well maybe lol - My darling Buddy Boy Kittycat (RIP Best Friend EVER-can't wait to see you again in Heaven) would sit just exactly like that cat in the pix lol - It reminded me of him seeing that-missing my Buddy (sniffle) OK enough of that - This is a LAUGHTER thread!

Buddy

[MJ Mod]

My cousin's pitbull sits like that cat on his couch only he puts his arm up on the arm of the chair! no joke lol it's a freaking trip

[midangerous]

That's funny MJ Mod! Lol! I did used to have a cat that did sommer saults.

[Admin]

This is IMO actually cuter than it is funny. I just saw the Disney Christmas Holiday Family commercial on TV which showed a spectacular new feature at night! In the ad it showed all the people (families) wearing Mickey Mouse ears made from... wait for it ... wait for it.... water balloons with lights making them glow!! lol I know MJ would have really loved this new MM hat!!

[midangerous]

Oh how cute Admin! Yeah, I'm sure he would have!

[midangerous]

It's December, and winter fun is here! Here's some funny winter clips for you folks who have snow:

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[Capricious Anomaly]

It is good for those without snow too right? I know I miss the snow at Christmas unless I travel to it.

[midangerous]

Yeah Capricious, I think it's for people without snow too! Lol!

[midangerous]

Two Lines in the song Do You Hear What I Hear, that I think is Weird!


If you've ever heard of this song there are two parts to that song that I think is abnormal. Here's the first one: Said the little lamb to the shepherd boy,"Do you hear what I hear?" Lets think about this for a second, if you're a shepherd, and you have a lamb speak to you, you've been in the field for Waaay too long! What's that you said little lamb? "Baaaaa!" Oh we gotta tell the king that!


Here's the second line I think is abnormal: A child, a child, shivering in the night let us bring him gold and silver. Well, what is wrong with this picture folks? What happened to soup and a heating blanket?

[Admin]

Oh midangerous - you are a hoot! lol

[midangerous]

LOL! Admin! I love your avatar by the way.

[Admin]

Your avi is so cute too lol

[Admin]

We need a chuckle now more than ever!

So there is this place that has a little outdoor skating rink for kids to play and a holiday area set up but in the years before it was too windy for people to be able to enjoy themselves. So the local forest service came up with a plan to plant pine trees to create a wind break. BUT - for years since they did this-some idiots just came along and helped themselves to the trees to take home for Christmas trees in their home for free!

Well so now the locals came up with a solution- a literal solution which consists of a 'stinky' concoction of deer repellant and other smelly liquids that supposedly smell like a combo of rotten eggs-sulphur and other nauseating scents that can be sprayed onto these trees. If you come within 5 ft of these trees you don't want to be any closer! But if it is freezing outside - the thieves can take the trees home and after they set it up and it thaws out - their entire home will be filled with this stinktree lol!!

[Capricious Anomaly]

The tree story lol Serves those tree stealin varmints right!!

[midangerous]

That's funny Admin!! Everybody hold your nose! LOl!

[midangerous]

I've got a joke: Have you ever wondered what Santa does with all those cookies people leave for him? Well, he takes some of them to the North Pole, and the rest he'll give to his non-corporate branch, the American Girl Scouts. I don't think those are little girls that knock on your door those are elves!

[midangerous]

For those who need a laugh, I 'd like to share the funniest thing. Christmas singing that doesn't quite make American idol! LOL!

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[Admin]

Just saw on Shep's 4pm show- (This may seem mean to think is funny - but it IS funny when you see the video!)

Captured on cam and now a viral YT: Truck driver tips his whole truck over and spills COWS all over the road-all these cows go scooting across the road-like a couple dozen of them-I don't believe any were hurt badly-just scrapes and bruises by what appears on the short part of the vid that I saw on TV-sorry cows - but your short film or MOO-vie is pretty funny!

[midangerous]

LOL! Poor Cows!

[Admin]

You know how when you go shopping in department srores and shops with manikens as part of the displays? Ever feel like they are watching you? Like it's creepy? Well now they ARE! lol

Many stores are putting cameras in the maniken eyes to keep watch on us

[midangerous]

OMGosh Admin, that's creepy! Sounds like something from the twilight zone.

[midangerous]

Church Humor:

iPod? iPad? Try iPray…God is listening!


2 things you can count on: Death and Taxes. Are you ready for both?


50 Shades of Grace

7 days without prayer makes 1 weak


A closed mouth gathers no foot


A cold church is like cold butter, it doesn’t spread well.


A goose never voted for an early Christmas

Act your praise, not your shoe size.


Always remember that Hell is un-cool.


Apply Here. Advancement Guaranteed

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[midangerous]

Training Wheel issues

When I was small, and learning how to ride a bike, I had a set of training wheels that didn't work well at all, mainly since the driveway in front of our house is not paved, it's full of rocks. Every time I would try to pedal, I'd get stuck. My bike would not go anywhere, no matter how hard I would pedal. About two hours later my sister would check up on me, and find me in the exact same place where she left me before. She would ask me this "Did you have a great time on your bike?" I would reply, "Yeah." Then she would ask me, "Where did you go in the driveway?" I would just say,"Well, pretty much right here in the same spot!" About two years later, I kissed my training wheels good-bye, it was the best day of my life.

[midangerous]

Second-Hand Baloney:

There was a study I heard once that really made me crack up. Someone had said that eating baloney is as bad as smoking. Well, I guess next time someone eats a baloney sandwich next to me, I might need to ask him to put out his baloney since I don't want second-hand baloney exposure. Non-Baloney Section please!!!!

[Admin]

Aww thats sad about your training wheels story! Poor little kid can't get around the driveway and is stuck in the gravel

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